Trust is the bedrock of good business and that comes from honesty and clear communication. Anything less than that can damage client and employee relationships, ruin business deals, and make life miserable for everyone.
Lying can severely disrupt communication. Dishonesty and deception, from innocent fibs to big fat lies, can have far-reaching consequences. For example, in professional settings, a loss of trust can destroy collaboration and hinder productivity, as team members may begin to second-guess one another’s intentions or motives.
In personal relationships, this breakdown can lead to feelings of betrayal and resentment. If trust is lost, the very purpose of communication—connecting and understanding each other—becomes more challenging.
For perspective, it’s important to refer to science when making general observations about lying. Yes, everyone lies at times. A child tells their first lie between the ages of two and three. When meeting someone for the first time, a person will lie (or stretch the truth) up to three times within a ten-minute timeframe to make a good impression or to appear more favorable to them.
Let’s explore the underlying reasons why people lie and how to detect a liar in your midst.
Here are 10 traits liars have in common:
1. Liars are insecure. Spreading lies and rumors might be a way for them to create a sense of belonging, connect with others, and boost their low self-esteem.
2. Liars are controlling. Often, people lie to control the feelings of others. By inventing facts or embellishing the truth, liars manipulate how their listeners will react, especially if they’re familiar and comfortable with their audience.
3. Liars hide their feelings. Liars want to hide the truth and their feelings, too. They lie to avoid facing reality and their disappointments.
4. Liars are good listeners. Despite what you might think, good liars know how to listen. It gives them information they can use in the future. They’ll know what lies you’ll be likely to believe. And by studying you, they will know exactly what to say to manipulate your actions and emotions.
5. Liars are charismatic. Liars smile, nod, lean forward, and make eye contact while listening, characteristics that are often associated with honest and friendly people.
6. Liars think fast. Hesitation markers in conversation, such as “ums” and “ahs” can reveal traces of dishonesty, so frequent liars have learned how to think fast.
7. Liars blame others. It’s easy to take the attention off themselves when they can blame someone else. To help you figure out what’s true, make sure you go directly to the source for information rather than believing every rumor you hear or read.
8. Liars have good memories. Good liars can remember the tiniest of details to keep themselves from contradicting their previous lies.
9. Liars withhold information. The less they talk, the fewer lies they must remember. Even though good liars can remember trivial details, they know it’s best to avoid getting tangled up in too much information.
10. Liars are hurting inside. Before you lash out and accuse someone of lying, think about why they might be lying. Could they be covering up pain? Are they trying to spare themselves embarrassment? They could be hurting inside, and their lies just might be a cry for help.
How do you spot a liar?
According to psychologists and communications science, the signs that someone is lying include language patterns and non-verbal cues. Here are five of them. Keep these in mind when you’re having an important meeting or conversation where honesty is crucial.
1. Mumbling, irregular speech, and talking fast.
Liars may take longer to start answering a question than truth-tellers, this gives them more time to plan their response. Mumbling and lack of articulation might indicate the person is anxious to end the conversation and avoid answering more questions.
2. Mismatched gestures.
There’s often a mismatch between gestures and emotions. For example, a flat or distant look when expressing positive emotions, or, conversely, exaggerated gestures to emphasize credibility.
3. Make sweeping statements.
They make over-generalizations such as “I would never” or “I always.” Using non-specific language, generalized phrases, and sweeping statements are common tactics for liars, who are trying to avoid giving hard facts and information. They use more complex language to pad the lie.
4. An unusual rise or fall in vocal tone.
A person’s voice pitch tends to be a bit higher when they’re lying than when they’re telling the truth, according to a study in the Journal of Nature Communications. People who speak with a rising intonation, reduced emphasis at the beginning of each syllable, and a slower speech rate may be perceived as dishonest.
5. Excessive fidgeting.
Studies identify several non-verbal cues associated with lying. These include eye gaze avoidance (or too much of it), fidgeting, restless foot and leg movements, frequent body posture changes, shrugging, lack of expression, a bored posture, and grooming behaviors such as playing with hair or pressing fingers to lips.
Now that you know the signs and reasons behind liars and deception, you may be better equipped to navigate around falsehoods to the honest communication that fuels progress.
Whether it’s resolving a conflict with a friend, negotiating a deal at work, or addressing issues in a family, honest communication helps people come together to find solutions. Lies interfere with this process by creating false premises and redirecting the conversation toward issues that don’t exist.
Lying disrupts communication by eroding trust, distorting reality, and undermining emotional connections. It creates a toxic environment in personal and professional relationships alike. While telling the truth may sometimes feel uncomfortable or inconvenient, it is ultimately the most effective way to foster understanding, build trust, and ensure meaningful and productive communication.
